Before I even begin putting thoughts together, which looks a bit like dot to dot on my brains landscape, sneaky little pride slithers front and center. “Perhaps my years of wheel spinning is remarkable?”. Really?

Only one is remarkable and it is not me. The remarkable is done in and through me again and again and again. God is the remarkable One.

Just what was I considering to be so Guinness Book worthy? The duration of time, the multiple lives that seem to be in my life, the awareness and fullness of the Holy Spirit's presence within me and yet still be so tangled up. I stepped into a season of emotional vulnerability and demands that are beyond anything I’ve experienced. At a time when I could and should have been opening myself up, I shut down.

The isolation the world experienced cannot be described, but we were all fearful and there wasn't a thing I could do about it. Hold on, perhaps I did do something after all. The purchase of wine began and did not end for quite some time.

I was not opposed to having a glass of wine or a mixed drink, but rarely gave it a thought. On New Year’s Eve of 2022 I was offered a taste of peanut butter whiskey. I had never been a whiskey drinker, but goodness, this lit my brain up and it loosened me up.

In February and March of that same year, I was blessed with two miraculous trips. Kauai and one month later, Israel. When I returned, my sciatica was chronic, and the pain stopped me from doing most anything. I might have fixed a simple lunch and would need to stop and take breaks, the pain was so unbearable. Any of you who has had a period of sitting on the proverbial shelf knows how the day after day of no relief messes with the mind.

One of my life verses is Romans 12:2; “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

I had learned that the battlefield is in the mind. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5; “For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God and take every thought captive to obey Christ.”

Somewhere over the seconds, hours and months, I was not guarding my thought life. This was a time when thoughts of rolling over and giving in were leading. Not being led by truth, I was carried away by self-pity and I was weary of 24/7 pain.

Evidently, the awareness that my “pregnancy” was 68 years long counted for something. A record run of fix manage and control born out of fear and selfishness.

The first day of 2026 has been a peace-filled day, living and moving through the moments. Not racing. Not frantic. The birth of something so profound, I have decided “to be continued….”