And one of the scribes came up and heard them disputing with one another, and seeing that he answered them well, and asked him, “Which commandment is the most important of all?” Jesus answered, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:28-31

Human nature has the tendency to make life a stage. Tada! Here I am! I am the leading player in this crafted, AI enhanced production. I write and rewrite the script to suit my needs and play to various audiences. Perhaps I am inclusive, and the chameleon theater is where I perform. Anyone and everyone are encouraged to attend and experience me. I will expand or shrink based on the collective pulse of my audience.

Hmmm, I don’t always want to include everyone, and  my mood shifts, and I have a need to restrict and limit access. Security measures and screening come into play and my performance is specific and controlled. I know my audience and they think like me, at least in the moment.

My internal drone flies over the landscape of my personal stage and I see something I’m not proud of. I’m performing, not for an audience of One, but for an audience of approval. Looking at the faces around me and asking the wrong questions. ‘Do they like me?’ ‘Did they laugh and cry in the right places?’ ‘Will I be invited to watch them as they perform on their personal stage?’ ‘Will they tell others how good I am?’

Me. Me. Me. I carry the sin legacy every time I focus on myself and ignore the truth. My life is not my own. I have been given everything I need in Christ. Focusing on self is not loving God with all of my heart, mind, soul and strength. It is a divided heart, one that rides the waves of culture. The scribe was acutely aware of what God's commands were and followed them. Externally at the very least.

I don’t want to be a rule follower, towing the invisible man-made line. I want to be a whole heart Christ follower, walking in obedience. An obedience conceived out a love relationship, not a checklist of do’s and don’ts. I don’t want to be a woman who separates herself from people who look, think and act differently than me. I don’t want to be the person who has to “one up” or “put down” to make myself feel better. Ugh. We have all done it. We’ve closed doors that were meant to be left open. We’ve exaggerated or minimized ourselves to look good and we have all, at one time or another, judged others.

My prayer is asking the Holy Spirit to make me aware of my intentions. This means at the start of the day; I seek God and ask him to work in me. It is humbling myself and admitting I do not have what it takes to love God with my whole heart or that I do not have the capacity to love my neighbor as myself. As for loving myself? Yes, I have the self-absorbed, flawed love of self. The skewed perspective. Christ centered love of self can happen only as I seek God daily and intentionally lay down my scripted narrative. Loving God and loving others happen when I stop scripting and staging and performing. It happens when I know and believe that nothing is impossible with God.

Thank you, Lord God, for perfect love in Christ. Given freely, yet at a great price. Love not to be hoarded but poured out and passed on. In Jesus name.