I've been told I am strong-willed. Guilty as charged. I have had some seasons of bold-faced rebellion. Seasons of living life as far away from God as I thought I could get. Add foolishness to that stage of life, thinking I could go anywhere God wasn't! Yes, young, foolish, and rebellious. I did not want anyone telling me how I should live or what I should believe. Whenever someone attempted to "help" by offering advice, I did a 180 with a cocky attitude. 

Many years later, I came to my senses and woke up. I gave up fighting and resisting God's loving pursuit and said yes to Jesus. I felt relief throughout my entire being. My whole mind and body had peace for the first time, which was beautiful.  And I lived a life of blissful obedience ever since. No, I had a multitude of unrealistic expectations. I assumed my journey would lead me down paths that were clear of any obstacles and would be smooth and paced just right. The reality of walking with Christ was the best and hardest decision I had ever made. There were choices to be made daily. I was given direction through the Bible, Gods living word, and guided by the Holy Spirit. So how hard could that be? Unbelievably hard, and that side-swiped me! My idea of this journey looked more like a Disney movie, completely unrealistic and not anything Christ ever promised. The journey meant picking up my cross daily and following Jesus. I began to understand what that meant personally, and it was hard. It involved obedience, and I struggled with the concept and pushed back in my flesh. 

My life had changed. I was a new creation in Christ, becoming the woman He created me to be. Except that obedience required something; I wouldn't say I liked that part. I was obedient in many ways, but my rebellious spirit wanted to call the shots when the fork in the road required me to lay something down. Or not. The choice was mine. 

Some of the most significant decisions, the gut-wrenching ones, did not turn out how I thought they should. I grew up thinking that if I did the right thing, checked the boxes, and followed the rules, the reward would be as good as my efforts. Not so in God's Kingdom. His outcome is always the best, but it has only sometimes looked like I thought it should. 

That's the thing with obedience. Living a life of obedience is lived out one decision at a time. Some of the most important and complex choices did not achieve the desired result. Something about this did not seem fair or right in my eyes. God, I sought your will in this. I made a choice based on what I discerned your will to be. Why was the leadership position declined rather than accepted? Why did our college-aged sons choose directions nothing at all like we had hoped? Did we do something wrong? Were we not good enough for the position we applied for?

No, and no. Obedience was stepping out in faith following the leading of the Holy Spirit; the outcome was not ours to determine. God does know best, and we eventually could see that not being accepted was protection, not rejection. As for the 20-something sons? They were adults. We did our best with what we knew regarding parenting and faith. Once they left home, the outcome of their choices was not our responsibility. 

I can still be strong-willed and want the outcome of obedience to look and feel like the reward I desire. Obedience does not mean life choices and circumstances turn out how I think they should. I walk out a life of obedience to the One I love. Because I love and I am devoted to Jesus, obedience flows supernaturally. Jesus said in John 14:15, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” And in John 14:21, a continuation of the partnership of love and obedience, “Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.” ESV

The Message paraphrase says in John 14:15, “If you love me, show it by doing what I’ve told you. I will talk to the Father, and he’ll provide you another Friend so that you will always have someone with you. This Friend is the Spirit of Truth.”

And in John 14:21, “The person who knows my commandments and keeps them, that’s who loves me. And the person who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and make myself plain to him.”

My prayer for those who love and follow Jesus is that our lives will be a beautiful expression of devotion. I want to walk so closely to Jesus that the dust from following Him covers me. 

Where do you find yourself? Is obedience a natural outpouring of love for Christ, or do you find yourself having the tug of war between where the Spirit is leading and your own? 

Becky on: Jun 2nd, 2023 03:50pm

I still struggle with where the Spirit is leading and the direction I want to go; but I know following the Holy Spirit is always better!