I am a planner. I suppose I always have been, although I would have denied it as a young woman. Planning comes naturally to me and it produces a rub. I default into planning without even thinking about it. The more stressed I am, the more plans need to be made.

The daily list. I know, it’s OCD and it is what I do. I enjoy crossing items off of this list, so some routine tasks are listed. Adding to those are what I plan to accomplish. I like the idea of planning meals. Good intentions without the consistency of my daily list making. I get lazy, don’t feel inspired and that’s the end of that. What about my bigger picture plan?  What books am I working my way through? What do I plan to accomplish and when? Will I get back in the groove working with my writing coach or stick to the weekly blog? At one point, even the thought  of a blog each week could throw me into a tailspin! This is no longer true, but I’ve stagnated taking my bigger picture plan any further.

I could go on and on, numbering and listing my planning compulsion. What is under this need to map out what, when, how, and where? To be fair, the Bible addresses planning.

Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established. Proverbs 16:3

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord  establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9

Planning appeals to a need for control, or a sense of control. Sometimes planning makes a tremendous difference, especially in times of stress and uncertainty. Hold on a hot minute! That is life, especially in 2025. Life is stress filled with uncertainty for most of us inhabiting this little planet. It is what it is.

 I’m scrambling for a plan today. A plan to move through what is going to be a crushing loss, one I cannot avoid. My good friend is days (or less) away from stepping into eternity with Jesus. As I sit with her, listening to her chest rattle, I want a plan.

God, in His sovereignty, has numbered our days and knows just how many breaths we will take. I do not know how many breaths my friend has left. My desire for a plan is selfish. I don’t want her to suffer and it’s been a hard walk seeing her decline. Seeing her body endure another medical test. Another medication change that didn’t always help. Another day of pain and suffering. Not my plan. Or hers.

In this broken world, we will all face times where there is no plan. No bullet point list to know what the next step should be or could be. No short cuts or detours. One step at a time, a painful walk and sometimes a crawl, agonizingly slow. Time is blurred and everything is surreal. The twilight zone, but I can’t turn it off like the old black and white tv my family had when I was little. I clearly remember telling my mom at four years of age, “I don’t like this”. This being the Twilight Zone. Her wise advice was, “Don’t watch it then”. I’m quite sure she walked across the room and shut the television off. (No remotes in the Stone Age)

Planning or praying? I’m well aware there is no plan I could craft to change the outcome of the space I find myself in today. I’m not planning my way through; I’m praying and leaning onto the One walking with me. Jesus is my one friend who will never leave me. The one who sticks closer than a brother. The one who carries me when I cannot take another step. The step may be a literal one or an emotionally steep climb. He will guide me and protect me from unseen drop offs. He will never leave my side, in this life or the one to come. Prayer is my powerhouse. My source of strength and my no-fail GPS. I cannot always see the route, but He can and does.

Planning is a good thing many, and even most times. Some things cannot be planned to satisfy my need to control. Today is one of them. Hours have gone by. She is still diminishing breath by breath. She will be walking into the arms of Jesus soon. I will still be here, God willing, and will be trusting my planning self to God. I will stay connected to my strength Source and know that as I commit any and all plans to Him, I will succeed.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 

Jeremiah 29:11