In 1986, U2 recorded a hit song, ‘I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For’. Looking into the backstory, a few different perspectives provided additional insights, but the big takeaway was not the finding, but the search. We are all looking for something. We are all searching. It is this searching and looking that we have in  common with one another. There is a fork in the road in this search. Choose one path and the space is endless. The WWW is a seemingly infinite space of endless sight, sound, beauty, and lies. Yes. Both beauty and stench coexist in this cloud. The other path is narrow, it is quiet and doesn’t have the sensory overload. There is a gentleness and peacefulness found only here. 

During my own searching, I came to a smaller, and at the time, confining space. Spending literal hours on my bed, icing, elevating and whining. The pain was debilitating at times and was turning me into a woman I didn’t like. “God, make this stop”. I wanted the healing. Instantly. I was tired of Groundhog Day! Throughout the day and into the night, the pain was constant. My enemy. My punishment? My cross to bear. The thorn in my side. Countless complaints were uttered, a hall of fame whiner is what I had become and God needed to make it stop. I was sick of Physical Therapy, medication and treatment options. This could be fixed and God was not coming through. Or so I thought. 

I knew God loved me. I knew Jesus, by his amazing grace, had saved me…..but. My solutions were not working. Nothing seemed to change. My searching had turned to frustration and despair. My searching led to dead ends and brick walls. My emotions were overriding what I knew. God is good! I knew it. I believed it. I did not feel it, not in the way I wanted. If God was good, why was my pain still off the charts? If God was good, why didn’t He heal me? 

Jeremiah 29:13 says, ‘You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.’ I was searching. I was seeking. Yet I see now, it was not with all my heart. My focus, searching and seeking was for healing, not the Healer. I wanted relief, not the relationship. I wanted what God could do (and was not doing) for me, not what he was doing in me. I did not want to entertain the thought of inner transformation and sanctification. I wanted relief. Sweet, instant relief so I could do what I wanted to do. All about me. 

I have received relief. I have been held, carried and comforted. Every moment of each day I have lived. The physical pain is not gone. The emotional angst still surfaces and I am learning how to look for my Healer without the sole purpose of the healing. Would I like complete healing? Of course. What I have learned in this season is greater than an instant healing. God has given me a treasure that could not be found any other way. My deadend searching was protection and a discovery of something far greater. 

I want to end with a quote from my friend Janet McHenry. “It (prayer) is less about answers, and more about access”. Constant pain brought me to a posture of prayer I had not experienced before. I have come to know the Healer.

What pain are you experiencing? Mind, body, spiritual, or relational? Leave a comment and share what you have learned.

Check out Janet’s book, Praying Personalities on Amazon. I’ve included the link below. 

https://a.co/d/9GilY3d

Becky on: Jul 27th, 2024 03:38pm

I’m dealing with lots of emotional and mental pain. And I’m missing something. I know God is with me and always will be. I know He knows my pain. It’s been hard for me to “connect” with Him. I know that over time, the pain will get “easier”. I also need to look to the Healer…today.