Longing. Webster’s definition of longing is a strong desire especially for something unattainable. 

After looking at the definition, I realized what I desire is not a longing.  An ache in my heart. A desire for something that would be a longing if it were up to me. Completely unattainable. Impossible for me to accomplish. So I have an ache in my heart. An impossible longing. What I have wanted for years and years without the outcome I am hoping for. 

Psalm 37:4 says, “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart”. 

What does this mean? Is it an “if and then” declaration? If I delight in the Lord, can I have my desires fulfilled? No. Looking at this verse from that perspective is conditional. It is an easy perspective, one that depends on me. That’s right up my planning, list writing, check the boxes personality. I will delight myself in the Lord and be rewarded with what I desire. Unfortunately, I find myself stuck in this go nowhere mentality - frequently.

God does not love, bless, or give the gifts of grace and mercy based on me. Hallelujah! His God-gifts are based on who He is. He gives me what I do not deserve or earn and graciously does not give me what I actually do have coming. 

Back to my longing, this heart ache and unmet desire. I know the fulfillment of this is not something that can be accomplished by any human being. It is part of a much bigger plan, an eternal journey that involves all of mankind from the beginning of time. It is infinitely bigger than myself and the people I love. 

So what can I do that I’ve not already done? I have prayed, I have read Scripture, I’ve purchased and read books written by others whose lives reflect a similar experience. Still I do not have the expected and hoped for answer in my life. 

Do I throw in the proverbial towel and give up? Do I take the closest exit and quit this faith journey because I’m disappointed or think God doesn’t love me? Of course not. Hebrews 12:12-13 says “Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed”. I can feel as if I’m limping along, with feet not wanting to take another step, weak in the knees and drooping over from weariness. Heart and soul weariness that causes the rest of me to feel spent. 

How I feel isn’t wrong or shameful. It is wrong when I expect God to be a fairytale character. That is what can bring me into a sin-filled emotional state and discouragement takes over. 

I know and believe Scripture. God does care about the desires of my heart. He knows what motivates them and will lovingly work in this heart of mine to bring my heart desires into line with his. He knows me. He loves me. He is working in my heart and in the hearts of the people I love and pray for. He does not become discouraged or disconnected. 

In His divine way, he will heal the ache in my heart and lovingly fulfill my heart's desire. He will do the same for you. Don’t stop praying. Dive into Scripture and reach out to others who will walk with you in a season of waiting. A longing, a heartache or desire for someone you love brings a level of pain in the waiting. It’s to be expected in this life. God is greater. Press on, press in and don’t give up. 

PSALM 103: 1-5

Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits - who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.