We’ve all been there, right? Giving up is universal in a broad context. I felt like giving up on a crossword puzzle and chucked it. I gave up on doing more yard work, my back gave me a cue I couldn’t ignore. After being on hold and unable to explain the problem, I gave up contacting the customer service representative. You get it.

Some things carry more weight of importance than others. The crossword puzzle wasn’t a big deal in the scheme of things. Yard work could be resumed after having a break. I would need to resolve the problem with customer service, but it isn’t a ‘life or death’ situation.

Pivoting, I consider other situations when I was sorely tempted to give up. One word. Parenting. Over the years of raising our sons, there were countless times I wanted to give up. Wondering if I was making mistakes that would follow our kids for life. Questioning my use of time. Wanting “me” time and feeling guilty. Thankfully, I gave up on “me” time and not on parenting!

Now we segue to a hard space not often addressed on Sunday morning. It was the message at Lakeside Community Church, my faith community. Depression. Trauma. The well of hope dried up. When life punches so forcefully, we find ourselves in a dark corner, curled in a fetal position. No longer audible, but an inner voice screaming that nothing will get better. No remedy or solution will be found. An inner voice is conniving and convincing. “Give up, give up, give up”. In spite of all you may know intellectually and spiritually, it’s bleak and the darkness is making it harder and harder to discern truth over feelings.

Let me stop right here. I have personally wrestled with depression and I do not believe there is a universal template that easily identifies personal painful experiences. Despairing does not make you damaged goods, it makes you human. It is not a character flaw; it is the result of living in a broken and fallen world. The longer created beings inhabit this created world, the fault lines expand and the earth (and we) are groaning.

There are many factors to be considered and taken into account. Family history. Chemical imbalances. The environment in which we live. Recent traumas. Those can be physical, relational, financial…add to the list. How we are able to filter the incoming demands varies.

The scripture reference for the message Sunday was from 1 Samuel 31:1-6

Now the Philistines fought against Israel; the Israelites fled before them, and many fell dead on Mount Gilboa. The Philistines were in hot pursuit of Saul and his sons, and they killed his sons Jonathan, Abinadab and Malki-Shua. The fighting grew fierce around Saul, and when the archers overtook him, they wounded him critically.

Saul said to his armor-bearer, “Draw your sword and run me through, or these uncircumcised fellows will come and run me through and abuse me.”

But his armor-bearer was terrified and would not do it; so Saul took his own sword and fell on it. When the armor-bearer saw that Saul was dead, he too fell on his sword and died with him. So, Saul and his three sons and his armor-bearer and all his men died together that same day.

In this period of history, battles were hand to hand combat and Kings were not tucked away in a fortress, they were engaged with the military. When an enemy captured a King, he would most likely be tortured and humiliated. Battles and punishments were brutal. The various people groups had standards of conduct, rituals and how they conducted themselves was reflected onto the group. They were a people of community, not individuals. What they did impacted them all.

There are good things to take away from this portion of Scripture. Things that are the same, as in war is ugly. Battles cannot be fought alone; we need others to fight alongside us. Defeat is not the desired outcome.

We are all in a battle every day of our lives. Our enemy cannot be seen like an approaching sea of chariots, horses, tanks and guns or the expanse of an ocean peppered with war ships. Our enemy attacks the battlefield of our minds.

If I do not think about what I’m thinking about, I’m not guarding my mind. Oftentimes it’s apathy on my part, and at other times, my body’s chemistry had changed, and I found myself weepy most of the time. Self-condemnation had to be put in its place. What was wrong with me that I was unable to get it together? I got to the point of understanding that medication was necessary, and I was not the problem.

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5

First, I needed to accept that I needed help and then I sought out professionals to work with me.  I was able to take my thoughts captive once again. I have a faith community to walk along with and who engage in this battle with me. The strength we have collectively is powerful. Never underestimate strength in numbers.

Do you feel like giving up? You are human. Our world is broken and yet…God is not. Reach out to someone today. You do not have to struggle on your own, in fact, you were not meant to!

Feel free to contact me by leaving a comment, emailing me at 2coronefour@gmail.com or call. 920.550.1951